Forlornly Trapped and Torn
For about the past two days, I've been feeling so torn. First, it was just into thirds and one piece more. Then from yesterday to today, it became sevenths! Thirds was because of one thing, and then the four more splits was due to another. Now I really know that heart-wrenching feeling. Literally. It hurts. Like, not physically, but emotionally. It's physically draining too, in a way. But don't get me wrong. It was a pretty good school week this week, considering it was the first of the year. Yet, every time that I have to think about those two situations, that heart-wrenching feeling comes in. I am quite certain that I have never felt this way before. Well, until two days ago, obviously.
We have a history test this coming Monday, and because we didn't get to review in class like we usually do, we are allowed to have a "test partner", with whom we, well, take the test. Honestly, I'd like to just fly solo. But the partner situation is so frustratingly messed up. Well, for me, anyway. I mean, I know I could have just made it simple for myself and simply said to people I want to take it alone, but this was another one of those times when I allowed my idiocy to take over. I mean, there's the acquaintance who asked first and seems to really need the help, and whom, most importantly, I "promised" I would test with first. Then there's the good friend who says she doesn't mind, but I do want to work with her most. And now, there's yet another person who seems to really need the help, whom I would like more to help than the acquaintance. It's a..."love" triangle. Square. Whatever. I almost felt like crying today after history class. I know, why the drama, right? Gosh, I hate how idiotic I am from time to time. Now I'm really torn into fourths (including myself) for the stupid test. And then also thirds...for, well, an entirely different subject. I have this weekend to think about it. Or maybe I won't think about it. Maybe I'll just be an inconsiderate jerk and drop everything and everyone and not give a care. But then I can't do that. Because...well, I just can't.
The only thing I know for sure that I have to and am going to do now is study for the exam. Just study without thinking about the invisible yet still ubiquitous geometric shape of whatever as aforementioned. (Again, quite impossible.) Then again, I also know for sure who I really want to work with, even not so deep down in my heart, I know.
Gosh, why am I making such a big deal out of this? But it is a nuisance. To me, anyway.
I've been extremely repetitive so far. Such as "now", "gosh", "heart-wrenching"... I do notice these things, especially when I do them.
I really don't feel like thinking about thinking about anything right now. I ought to go practice my speech. Tomorrow's workshop comprises of speeches and interviews. Hopefully just the singular form of both. But I guess more times equals more practice equals more...improvement. I wanted to say "better" there, but then that would have been outrageously wrong unless I removed the last "more", which I did not want to do. Competition is just about three weeks away. Oh, wow. Oh, no. As of tomorrow, it is exactly two and three weeks away for speech/interview and subject matter/Super Quiz (respectively)! Wow. Just. Plain. Wow.
Okay, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale...
Perhaps I'll wing it. Show up the morning of Saturday, February 2nd, and fill in random Scantron bubbles all day long and then embarrass myself as well as my teammates on (live?) television afterward. Perhaps... Hmm.
Pft. Yeah, right. Everyone would hate me. Well, probably not the winning teams, though. Just my teammates. I want to say "lol" right now, but I don't feel that anything's quite funny at this moment.
One of the things that I most like to do is talk to people who I can continuously, comfortably talk to about just about anything for hours on end. Some of the people I most like are those who I can talk to continuously and comfortably about just about anything for hours on end. (Read carefully, the above two sentences are not, I repeat, are not, the same. Though they correlate.)
I guess I'll go "study" my speech now. Then go on and frustratingly miserably study for Advanced Placement European History. I wonder if people ever realize that "Euro" is rather inappropriate as an abridgement for European History. "Euro" is a currency... Unless I'm terribly mistaken. Please let me know if I am. That was a redundant, impertinent bit, but hey, I do care about these things.
We have a history test this coming Monday, and because we didn't get to review in class like we usually do, we are allowed to have a "test partner", with whom we, well, take the test. Honestly, I'd like to just fly solo. But the partner situation is so frustratingly messed up. Well, for me, anyway. I mean, I know I could have just made it simple for myself and simply said to people I want to take it alone, but this was another one of those times when I allowed my idiocy to take over. I mean, there's the acquaintance who asked first and seems to really need the help, and whom, most importantly, I "promised" I would test with first. Then there's the good friend who says she doesn't mind, but I do want to work with her most. And now, there's yet another person who seems to really need the help, whom I would like more to help than the acquaintance. It's a..."love" triangle. Square. Whatever. I almost felt like crying today after history class. I know, why the drama, right? Gosh, I hate how idiotic I am from time to time. Now I'm really torn into fourths (including myself) for the stupid test. And then also thirds...for, well, an entirely different subject. I have this weekend to think about it. Or maybe I won't think about it. Maybe I'll just be an inconsiderate jerk and drop everything and everyone and not give a care. But then I can't do that. Because...well, I just can't.
The only thing I know for sure that I have to and am going to do now is study for the exam. Just study without thinking about the invisible yet still ubiquitous geometric shape of whatever as aforementioned. (Again, quite impossible.) Then again, I also know for sure who I really want to work with, even not so deep down in my heart, I know.
Gosh, why am I making such a big deal out of this? But it is a nuisance. To me, anyway.
I've been extremely repetitive so far. Such as "now", "gosh", "heart-wrenching"... I do notice these things, especially when I do them.
I really don't feel like thinking about thinking about anything right now. I ought to go practice my speech. Tomorrow's workshop comprises of speeches and interviews. Hopefully just the singular form of both. But I guess more times equals more practice equals more...improvement. I wanted to say "better" there, but then that would have been outrageously wrong unless I removed the last "more", which I did not want to do. Competition is just about three weeks away. Oh, wow. Oh, no. As of tomorrow, it is exactly two and three weeks away for speech/interview and subject matter/Super Quiz (respectively)! Wow. Just. Plain. Wow.
Okay, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale...
Perhaps I'll wing it. Show up the morning of Saturday, February 2nd, and fill in random Scantron bubbles all day long and then embarrass myself as well as my teammates on (live?) television afterward. Perhaps... Hmm.
Pft. Yeah, right. Everyone would hate me. Well, probably not the winning teams, though. Just my teammates. I want to say "lol" right now, but I don't feel that anything's quite funny at this moment.
One of the things that I most like to do is talk to people who I can continuously, comfortably talk to about just about anything for hours on end. Some of the people I most like are those who I can talk to continuously and comfortably about just about anything for hours on end. (Read carefully, the above two sentences are not, I repeat, are not, the same. Though they correlate.)
I guess I'll go "study" my speech now. Then go on and frustratingly miserably study for Advanced Placement European History. I wonder if people ever realize that "Euro" is rather inappropriate as an abridgement for European History. "Euro" is a currency... Unless I'm terribly mistaken. Please let me know if I am. That was a redundant, impertinent bit, but hey, I do care about these things.
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