I can't always make other people happy. It's hard to do and even harder to admit. I spent years making decisions and commitments based on what I thought others wanted or needed, forgoing the better decisions for and commitments to myself. I tried to convince myself that seeing other people happy made me happy, but alas, they were only fleeting moments. On the occasions I failed to make somebody happy, I became disappointed. On the occasions somebody was completely unappreciative, I became angry. Furthermore, I can't ever base my happiness on one person, or any group of persons. I have to find happiness on my own terms, and that means asking myself what I want, and actually doing it. (from " Reflections ", January 2018) You know the saying, "Do what makes you happy"? Well, I've been trying that out for the past year or so, and it really works. It took a lot for me to realize that I hadn't been happy, and it took a long time for me to become h...
Vulnerable . A word that I rarely ever used, especially to describe my state of mind or being, prior to my current job. One of the main things we do is teach and help leaders develop the eight characteristics of greatness, and vulnerability is one. In years prior, I had periodically seen and characterized myself as "a sensitive soul". Nonetheless, I would hide it behind the jokes and the laughter. It was really only when I watched sad scenes in movies or shows that I showed my sensitive side. Or when I would occasionally get upset about something that someone said about me. But in the past year of learning about the world and learning about myself (not mutually exclusive), I've realized that it's okay to be vulnerable and to show vulnerability. It's hard, especially when we grow up being told to not show vulnerability, which is a sign of weakness, and that we might be stepped on by doing so...among other things. I don't know how it works for our clients or...
Currently, I am at home alone, and I am scared to go back downstairs, for my paranoia compels me to fear predator-robberies, even in a gated, locked home. Because my parents have always told me all these crazy stories and because I watch too much "CSI"-related shows. Yesterday, I started to blog, and about three paragraphs in, I no longer knew what I had to say and I dubbed what had already been typed useless, so I just closed the tab. And now I'm sitting in S's room, hoping that today's post will go better than did yesterday's, that I will have something the least bit meaningful or relevant to talk about. The Lakers won game three! What a close game. I actually didn't pay much attention (even though the television was directly in front of me) until the middle of the third quarter, though. Derek Fisher is so cool. At the end of the game, when all the camera people and reporters started the interviews, I began to wonder about the conversations that each tea...
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