Hey There, Dandelion

What's it like in Texas city?

I have a ton of math homework to catch up on...and I have to read some boring crap for history. Unfortunately, more anxiety was put upon me today because I now bear the knowledge of my grades in my most important classes (only one of which I really like). For all of those three classes, I am so close to an A. But it's only a B+. Well, for chemistry it's an 86.66666etc, but I could have easily gotten an A by now if I had only studied harder for last week's exam. Which, I suppose, I'm happy about, because I didn't fail although I had really expected to. I missed an A by one point! Yet again, so close, yet so frustratingly far. I hate that. It really frustrates me, knowing that I'm almost there, but I keep fluctuating back and forth, back and back, forth, back... And I cannot believe I have an 89.8% for history. That is so lame! Even though he said it's an A in his class, it's not an A for me. It's still a freaking B. There is seriously something wrong with me this semester. I think I know what it is.

I have to remember to look up the word sublime. It occurs in so many places! There's a word for that that starts with the letter e...but I forgot what it was. I could go research that right now, but I don't want to take the time to do so. And the Internet is somewhat malfunctional (If that wasn't a word before, it now is, in the wendynary, haha.) today.

Hmm, what ever shall I say now?

Sometimes I wish...Well, I don't necessarily wish. But I just like to imagine things the way that they simply are not. Things that could happen, but most likely won't.
Isn't that common? So many things could happen, but we know in our right minds that they...won't.
There are times when I have confidence that I can make something happen, all the confidence I can gather within myself. Yet...it doesn't. I'll tell you, it's quite a disappointment for myself. I guess that's probably why I keep fluctuating between that border between an A and a B.

Somtimes, that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand
What you've been out there searching for forever, is in your hands...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Talking about T1D

Image
I used to tell people, "I am diabetic" or "I am a diabetic" and I never liked saying that because it wasn't something that people reacted positively to, or it wasn't something that everybody understood.  Previously, I wrote about my first taste of empowerment , when I (finally) learned in middle school to give myself injections. Undoubtedly, this turning point also brought about a change in attitude. Until then, I used to constantly be frustrated or angry about having diabetes, about not being able to do X/Y/Z, about being micromanaged by my parents. After I learned to administer injections to myself and especially after I started using the insulin pump, I began to feel more control over and ownership of my condition. I no longer had to rely on my mother or the school nurse, and I could take insulin whenever, for whatever I wanted to eat (within reason) or glucose reading I needed to correct.  One day, I had an epiphany: that what I had been tell
Read more

Becoming Happier

Image
I can't always make other people happy. It's hard to do and even harder to admit. I spent years making decisions and commitments based on what I thought others wanted or needed, forgoing the better decisions for and commitments to myself. I tried to convince myself that seeing other people happy made me happy, but alas, they were only fleeting moments. On the occasions I failed to make somebody happy, I became disappointed. On the occasions somebody was completely unappreciative, I became angry. Furthermore, I can't ever base my happiness on one person, or any group of persons. I have to find happiness on my own terms, and that means asking myself what I want, and actually doing it. (from " Reflections ", January 2018)  You know the saying, "Do what makes you happy"? Well, I've been trying that out for the past year or so, and it really works. It took a lot for me to realize that I hadn't been happy, and it took a long time for me to become h
Read more

Things I Wish I'd Known

I don't need to try to please everybody. As valiant and commendable of an effort as one can make, it is impossible to make everybody happy. While happiness can ensue via acts of service for others, I've come to realize that it also has to be actively pursued by asking myself what I want .  A good relationship with my parents is just as important as a good relationship with anybody else. In middle school, I began to "rebel", and in doing so, I of course often upset my parents, and began to communicate with them less and less about my daily goings-on. Meanwhile, I began to develop deep relationships with friends and later romantic relationships with boy(s). A part of me thought that it was a trade-off--either relationship with my parents or relationships with my friends. And I made a choice. But really, there was truly no reason it couldn't have been both.  Not every relationship (the general sense of the word, not just the romantic sense) needs to stay a relatio
Read more