On "How are you?"

"Hey, how are you?"

"I'm good! How are you?"

"I'm good, thanks."

That snippet of conversational exchange happens unbelievably often in a work environment. I know so few of the faculty and staff that step into the office, but almost every time, one of us feels--or actually is--obligated to ask how the other is. It used to annoy me to the utmost because it seemed that the asker rarely seemed to care what the answer was, and that the answerer rarely seemed to care to give anything more than a brief "good" or "fine." And it still often annoys me for the same reason. I suppose that this exchange is necessarily an exchange of courtesy, even if not of sincerity. It seems that "How are you?" is the more adult, sophisticated way of saying just plain hello. But what's wrong with just plain hello? Is that not enough anymore? Do we really have to so often express false sincerity--and walking away while doing it, nonetheless? 

"How are you?"--though I recognize it as a form of courtesy--still annoys me. How many people who ask it actually care? This may sound terribly mean and harsh, but I must admit that almost every time I ask it, I don't actually care. I mean, I'll listen to whatever answer my interlocutor provides, but I wouldn't take too much of it to heart. I don't know. I just feel that when I truly care about how somebody has been, I don't go ahead and ask him or her how he or she is. I just ask questions that direct them to talk about different aspects of their lives; then, I can sum up everything and figure how he or she really is. And, the interlocutor would not have to try to figure out a short response to such a short, broad "How are you?"

On this note, "How are you?" is also an indication of lack of dedication to a conversation. Not taking the time to ask aforementioned detailed questions and instead generalizing them all into three words suggests the lack of desire for a wholehearted story, thereby prompting the askee to conjure up something commandingly time-efficient and uselessly nondescript, like, "I'm good/ fine/ okay." And, as courtesy necessitates, a reciprocated "How are you?" Repeat cycle. 

Which is why I appreciate the real conversations--not just courtesy exchanges--I have a few times a day in the office. We get to ask about one another's plans and activities, days and details. It's great, really, compared to a seemingly halfhearted "How are you?" immediately followed by fading footsteps. 

Not to say that I don't appreciate people's efforts to be courteous and nice. I'd rather the meaningless exchange than no exchange at all. Usually. Depending on whether I'm doing and focusing on anything.

Sometimes, even when I know that my interlocutor doesn't care for an extended answer, I'll provide one anyway. Subsequently, this evokes a very baffled expression from most people. Why are they so surprised that I'm providing a full, detailed description and explanation of how I am? Oh, I don't know... Is it because they don't have time to care? Is it because they don't actually care?!

I bet it is.

Anyway, very choppily and messily put, that's how I feel about "How are you?"