Amidst Uncertainty

I wish I knew, I wish I could
Be as certain as I was years ago
I wish I knew, I wish I would
Just go ahead, I know I should

But I'm young, uncertain
Not sure what I'm asserting
Thinking about the future's a burden
If I could just sleep on it, draw the curtains

Just for a while, maybe a few years
To figure things out, brave my fears

Maybe then I'll finally know,
Maybe then I'll finally see
Just what in the world I'm supposed to be.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Talking about T1D

Image
I used to tell people, "I am diabetic" or "I am a diabetic" and I never liked saying that because it wasn't something that people reacted positively to, or it wasn't something that everybody understood.  Previously, I wrote about my first taste of empowerment , when I (finally) learned in middle school to give myself injections. Undoubtedly, this turning point also brought about a change in attitude. Until then, I used to constantly be frustrated or angry about having diabetes, about not being able to do X/Y/Z, about being micromanaged by my parents. After I learned to administer injections to myself and especially after I started using the insulin pump, I began to feel more control over and ownership of my condition. I no longer had to rely on my mother or the school nurse, and I could take insulin whenever, for whatever I wanted to eat (within reason) or glucose reading I needed to correct.  One day, I had an epiphany: that what I had been tell
Read more

Becoming Happier

Image
I can't always make other people happy. It's hard to do and even harder to admit. I spent years making decisions and commitments based on what I thought others wanted or needed, forgoing the better decisions for and commitments to myself. I tried to convince myself that seeing other people happy made me happy, but alas, they were only fleeting moments. On the occasions I failed to make somebody happy, I became disappointed. On the occasions somebody was completely unappreciative, I became angry. Furthermore, I can't ever base my happiness on one person, or any group of persons. I have to find happiness on my own terms, and that means asking myself what I want, and actually doing it. (from " Reflections ", January 2018)  You know the saying, "Do what makes you happy"? Well, I've been trying that out for the past year or so, and it really works. It took a lot for me to realize that I hadn't been happy, and it took a long time for me to become h
Read more

Things I Wish I'd Known

I don't need to try to please everybody. As valiant and commendable of an effort as one can make, it is impossible to make everybody happy. While happiness can ensue via acts of service for others, I've come to realize that it also has to be actively pursued by asking myself what I want .  A good relationship with my parents is just as important as a good relationship with anybody else. In middle school, I began to "rebel", and in doing so, I of course often upset my parents, and began to communicate with them less and less about my daily goings-on. Meanwhile, I began to develop deep relationships with friends and later romantic relationships with boy(s). A part of me thought that it was a trade-off--either relationship with my parents or relationships with my friends. And I made a choice. But really, there was truly no reason it couldn't have been both.  Not every relationship (the general sense of the word, not just the romantic sense) needs to stay a relatio
Read more