Checklist
I'm just another mark on your checklist
Another thing to do, another thing you've finished
I was your point, your goal
Then my heart you stole
Away from me, you grabbed what was mine
Once and again, you fooled me so many times
I'd thought you actually cared
That you weren't like anyone else out there
But you've proved me wrong
After having been oblivious for so long
It's still hard to believe that you used me
So recklessly only to up your own pride and dignity
Luckily, though, now I clearly see
Your true intentions and your fallacies
At least in the future
I'll know what to watch out for:
being on a checklist and nothing more.
I am currently lacking all types of mannerisms by slouching way low in the chair and donning an expressionless look on my face. And stuff. Anyway, it took me a little while to get that poem out; I got stuck after "I'd thought you actually cared", went and took a shower, and came back to finish it up. So it seems I don't have anything to do tonight. This is one of the very rare free Friday nights that I have. Another "nice" thing about this weekend is that I didn't bring home my math book because there was no math homework because we took a test today. The test was gayishly hard, by the way. I could have simply not studied and probably gotten about the same score (which I will find out on Monday).
My "ironies of life" speech outline didn't go well at all. That is why I talked about it with my teacher this morning and tried to figure out how to incorporate ironies of life into another speech, or how to elaborate on the ironies. More of the former than the latter, I'm leaning toward, because really, how can I possibly go on about ironies of life for four whole minutes without getting to sound excruciatingly, monotonously boring after like, two minutes (which isn't all that long)? I know that I'm going to have trouble elaborating and expanding on those things themselves, which was why I had to have the discussion. Eh...hopefully some inspiration will hit me (instead of myself hitting the wall or the desk as always) this weekend. Oh, right. I'm supposed to research Mayan art and look up places that we as a (small) class could go on "field trips" to. Gosh, field trips remind me of SLCs. I detest SLCs so much.
Speaking of which, yesterday in homeroom, we took a survey. Apparently, it was only for 10th and 12th graders. The very front page of the survey said in BIG, BOLDED letters "10th Grade" something something. Then on the last page, one of the questions asked, "What grade are you in?" WHAT THE HECK IS THAT ALL ABOUT?! Can't you like, READ YOUR OWN SURVEYS or something? That question was completely, utterly, STUPIDLY...stupid.
These past few days, I've been feeling like... Well, I feel like my heart is actually heavy (with emotions). Heavy heart? Whatever the phrase is. Don't get me wrong. It's not all negative emotions. Some, fortunately, are actually good. Maybe I've been thinking too much about things that shouldn't even matter to me at this time. And thinking way too less about things that I should be worrying about. And here I am again, thinking too much about thinking too much about thinking about things that I should or should not think about. I highly doubt that made much sense to you. But whatever.
Now, seeing as how I have a "heavy heart," I clearly have a lot of things on my mind. Most of which I am not at comfort to exhibit here. That's probably why I've been such an avid conversationalist these days. I just need to let things out. Really, I'm quite horrible at keeping things "bottled up" like some people do. When I'm mad, I just have to "lash out" at everyone, as one of my good friends stated to me a few hours ago on the phone. When I'm sad or unhappy in any other way, I write and talk, talk and write. I think the two are usually in equilibrium with one another. Even then, I still feel like I have so much more to release, but I just don't know where to begin because of such ampleness. Though, one with common sense would say to simply begin, then everything else would just flow out. (Well, that's what I say to others who come to me with their problems, anyway.)
I was informed today that starting next week, our PE class will be playing volleyball. Oh, joy... I cannot wait to be playing on a team with a whole bunch of annoying strangers. Okay, that was kind of uncalled for. My apologies. I think I've become much more accustomed to the rudeness that some people can't help but have. Oh, wow, that was kind of mean. Next topic.
People who say that life sucks suck. "Suck" isn't even a legitimate word to describe anything, anyway. Okay, fine, I myself use that word. But I don't like it when people constantly say that this and that suck. Serioiusly. Find yourself a better word, why don't you? And how would you know if something sucks when it's not happening to you, huh? Why can't people just say something positive and actually motivate whoever else instead of saying IT SUCKS and discouraging them? Geez.
Also, why do people say "I'm sorry" when nothing is their fault? Let's say I tell you I'm sick (which, fortunately, I no longer am). Really, I do not want to hear "I'm sorry" from you, because it's not as if you made me sick. Unless you literally did, then you can be sorry. Otherwise, just...say something to make me laugh or something! Sheesh.
A lot of things, after they have been said so many times, lose their meanings no matter how meaningful they were once meant to be. I honestly think that.
Maybe, just maybe, I'll go to sleep before 10:30 tonight, if I don't have the urge to keep writing poems all night. Hmm, that didn't make much sense, but I'm hoping you got the gist of what I was trying to say. Although, after having typed all that, I could have just retyped what I wanted to say. Oh, well. I can be a (very) complicated person.
I think what I want to do right now is watch a movie. Probably a romantic comedy. Or some sad movie to make me cry my heart out and finally get it all over with. I doubt I'll be in the mood to watch a movie tomorrow. Gee, I wish I'd gone to the library today to check out some VDVs. Just kidding. I meant DVDs. (sigh)
I guess I'll go and go through the process of transferring "fresh" poems into my poetry journal now. Which, ambitiously, will someday be published. Or something along that line. And I can have you to thank for that.
That last line, I was being kind of sarcastic, by the way...
Another thing to do, another thing you've finished
I was your point, your goal
Then my heart you stole
Away from me, you grabbed what was mine
Once and again, you fooled me so many times
I'd thought you actually cared
That you weren't like anyone else out there
But you've proved me wrong
After having been oblivious for so long
It's still hard to believe that you used me
So recklessly only to up your own pride and dignity
Luckily, though, now I clearly see
Your true intentions and your fallacies
At least in the future
I'll know what to watch out for:
being on a checklist and nothing more.
I am currently lacking all types of mannerisms by slouching way low in the chair and donning an expressionless look on my face. And stuff. Anyway, it took me a little while to get that poem out; I got stuck after "I'd thought you actually cared", went and took a shower, and came back to finish it up. So it seems I don't have anything to do tonight. This is one of the very rare free Friday nights that I have. Another "nice" thing about this weekend is that I didn't bring home my math book because there was no math homework because we took a test today. The test was gayishly hard, by the way. I could have simply not studied and probably gotten about the same score (which I will find out on Monday).
My "ironies of life" speech outline didn't go well at all. That is why I talked about it with my teacher this morning and tried to figure out how to incorporate ironies of life into another speech, or how to elaborate on the ironies. More of the former than the latter, I'm leaning toward, because really, how can I possibly go on about ironies of life for four whole minutes without getting to sound excruciatingly, monotonously boring after like, two minutes (which isn't all that long)? I know that I'm going to have trouble elaborating and expanding on those things themselves, which was why I had to have the discussion. Eh...hopefully some inspiration will hit me (instead of myself hitting the wall or the desk as always) this weekend. Oh, right. I'm supposed to research Mayan art and look up places that we as a (small) class could go on "field trips" to. Gosh, field trips remind me of SLCs. I detest SLCs so much.
Speaking of which, yesterday in homeroom, we took a survey. Apparently, it was only for 10th and 12th graders. The very front page of the survey said in BIG, BOLDED letters "10th Grade" something something. Then on the last page, one of the questions asked, "What grade are you in?" WHAT THE HECK IS THAT ALL ABOUT?! Can't you like, READ YOUR OWN SURVEYS or something? That question was completely, utterly, STUPIDLY...stupid.
These past few days, I've been feeling like... Well, I feel like my heart is actually heavy (with emotions). Heavy heart? Whatever the phrase is. Don't get me wrong. It's not all negative emotions. Some, fortunately, are actually good. Maybe I've been thinking too much about things that shouldn't even matter to me at this time. And thinking way too less about things that I should be worrying about. And here I am again, thinking too much about thinking too much about thinking about things that I should or should not think about. I highly doubt that made much sense to you. But whatever.
Now, seeing as how I have a "heavy heart," I clearly have a lot of things on my mind. Most of which I am not at comfort to exhibit here. That's probably why I've been such an avid conversationalist these days. I just need to let things out. Really, I'm quite horrible at keeping things "bottled up" like some people do. When I'm mad, I just have to "lash out" at everyone, as one of my good friends stated to me a few hours ago on the phone. When I'm sad or unhappy in any other way, I write and talk, talk and write. I think the two are usually in equilibrium with one another. Even then, I still feel like I have so much more to release, but I just don't know where to begin because of such ampleness. Though, one with common sense would say to simply begin, then everything else would just flow out. (Well, that's what I say to others who come to me with their problems, anyway.)
I was informed today that starting next week, our PE class will be playing volleyball. Oh, joy... I cannot wait to be playing on a team with a whole bunch of annoying strangers. Okay, that was kind of uncalled for. My apologies. I think I've become much more accustomed to the rudeness that some people can't help but have. Oh, wow, that was kind of mean. Next topic.
People who say that life sucks suck. "Suck" isn't even a legitimate word to describe anything, anyway. Okay, fine, I myself use that word. But I don't like it when people constantly say that this and that suck. Serioiusly. Find yourself a better word, why don't you? And how would you know if something sucks when it's not happening to you, huh? Why can't people just say something positive and actually motivate whoever else instead of saying IT SUCKS and discouraging them? Geez.
Also, why do people say "I'm sorry" when nothing is their fault? Let's say I tell you I'm sick (which, fortunately, I no longer am). Really, I do not want to hear "I'm sorry" from you, because it's not as if you made me sick. Unless you literally did, then you can be sorry. Otherwise, just...say something to make me laugh or something! Sheesh.
A lot of things, after they have been said so many times, lose their meanings no matter how meaningful they were once meant to be. I honestly think that.
Maybe, just maybe, I'll go to sleep before 10:30 tonight, if I don't have the urge to keep writing poems all night. Hmm, that didn't make much sense, but I'm hoping you got the gist of what I was trying to say. Although, after having typed all that, I could have just retyped what I wanted to say. Oh, well. I can be a (very) complicated person.
I think what I want to do right now is watch a movie. Probably a romantic comedy. Or some sad movie to make me cry my heart out and finally get it all over with. I doubt I'll be in the mood to watch a movie tomorrow. Gee, I wish I'd gone to the library today to check out some VDVs. Just kidding. I meant DVDs. (sigh)
I guess I'll go and go through the process of transferring "fresh" poems into my poetry journal now. Which, ambitiously, will someday be published. Or something along that line. And I can have you to thank for that.
That last line, I was being kind of sarcastic, by the way...
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