Never Again
As of this moment, I am 95% sure that I won't run the marathon. Who knows if I even "qualify" for it anymore anyway? :(
I never, ever want to go through the pain I went through today again. Never, ever again. It was excruciating, it was heartbreaking, and it was, in a way, almost life threatening (for me, anyway). Quite frankly, I didn't really care about the weather, because quite frankly, I couldn't feel anything, including my two arms. My feet hurt, my thighs were sore, and my calves were numb; my heart was slowing down, my lungs were almost compressing abnormally, and my mind was just so freaking messed up. I lacked any strength at all, and I lacked the courage and motivation. Really, I just wanted to get picked up around the twelfth mile. I couldn't take it anymore, so we walked for about five miles straight. It hurt. It really hurt. The pain was one of a kind, a kind that I never, ever want to experience again. Ever. Because it hurt more than anything that I have ever gone through, and believe me, I have gone through a whole lot of crap.
All in all, DAMN HANSEN DAM PARK.
I threw up on the bus on the way home, again right after we got off the bus, and twenty minutes thereafter while waiting for a ride home. The latter was huge...and very liquidy. Hmm, like every other time, actually. So I sprawled out on the bedroom floor when I got home, cried, and then went to sleep, during which I felt the massive headaches and couldn't actually sleep well. I woke up after an hour or so (timing is very questionable since I hadn't looked at the time since 4:40 A.M.) and again threw up--big. I just kneeled on the restroom floor and vomited for about 30 seconds. It's weird, though, because I hadn't really eaten anything all day... Except for breakfast, none of which showed up in the vomit. I blame the small piece of orange some lady offered me; it was probably drugged or something. Why do I blame the orange? Because my vomit has been yellowish-orange this whole time! Stupid gayyyyyy.
Speaking of which, on the first loop of the run (the first nine miles), I was really pissed off, for some reason, so I just cussed at people in my head with what I assume must have been a pretty mad expression on my face. Why do people have to be so loud and obnoxious, huh? We don't care about their so-called "drama." Gawsh! Ugh.
So I ate two small bowls of porridge about half an hour ago because I don't know when I'll feel like eating or be able to eat again. It'll probably come up through my esophagus and out of my mouth anyway.
Have I mentioned I hadn't vomited since, um...., elementary school?
And before a few weeks ago, I hadn't been sick since two years ago?
My immune system is messing with me here, seemingly.
I have decided to use one of my personal days tomorrow. As in, I'm not going to go to school. Instead, I'm going to stay home and sleep in with the possible occasional disgusting occurrence of vomit and with the very likely constant disturbing conscience of work. I wish I was one of those people who doesn't care about absences and therefore is absent like, four days of the week. Nah, not really; I don't like that. Constant absences are very bad.
At this moment, my head still hurts a bit. And I'm really worried about having to throw up again later. I don't know what to do (not that I want to do anything at all), but since my body is craving a shower, I'll go shower. I feel disgusting anyway.
Again, DAMN HANSEN DAM PARK and that little piece of orange.
Bye, everybody.
Take it easy.
I never, ever want to go through the pain I went through today again. Never, ever again. It was excruciating, it was heartbreaking, and it was, in a way, almost life threatening (for me, anyway). Quite frankly, I didn't really care about the weather, because quite frankly, I couldn't feel anything, including my two arms. My feet hurt, my thighs were sore, and my calves were numb; my heart was slowing down, my lungs were almost compressing abnormally, and my mind was just so freaking messed up. I lacked any strength at all, and I lacked the courage and motivation. Really, I just wanted to get picked up around the twelfth mile. I couldn't take it anymore, so we walked for about five miles straight. It hurt. It really hurt. The pain was one of a kind, a kind that I never, ever want to experience again. Ever. Because it hurt more than anything that I have ever gone through, and believe me, I have gone through a whole lot of crap.
All in all, DAMN HANSEN DAM PARK.
I threw up on the bus on the way home, again right after we got off the bus, and twenty minutes thereafter while waiting for a ride home. The latter was huge...and very liquidy. Hmm, like every other time, actually. So I sprawled out on the bedroom floor when I got home, cried, and then went to sleep, during which I felt the massive headaches and couldn't actually sleep well. I woke up after an hour or so (timing is very questionable since I hadn't looked at the time since 4:40 A.M.) and again threw up--big. I just kneeled on the restroom floor and vomited for about 30 seconds. It's weird, though, because I hadn't really eaten anything all day... Except for breakfast, none of which showed up in the vomit. I blame the small piece of orange some lady offered me; it was probably drugged or something. Why do I blame the orange? Because my vomit has been yellowish-orange this whole time! Stupid gayyyyyy.
Speaking of which, on the first loop of the run (the first nine miles), I was really pissed off, for some reason, so I just cussed at people in my head with what I assume must have been a pretty mad expression on my face. Why do people have to be so loud and obnoxious, huh? We don't care about their so-called "drama." Gawsh! Ugh.
So I ate two small bowls of porridge about half an hour ago because I don't know when I'll feel like eating or be able to eat again. It'll probably come up through my esophagus and out of my mouth anyway.
Have I mentioned I hadn't vomited since, um...., elementary school?
And before a few weeks ago, I hadn't been sick since two years ago?
My immune system is messing with me here, seemingly.
I have decided to use one of my personal days tomorrow. As in, I'm not going to go to school. Instead, I'm going to stay home and sleep in with the possible occasional disgusting occurrence of vomit and with the very likely constant disturbing conscience of work. I wish I was one of those people who doesn't care about absences and therefore is absent like, four days of the week. Nah, not really; I don't like that. Constant absences are very bad.
At this moment, my head still hurts a bit. And I'm really worried about having to throw up again later. I don't know what to do (not that I want to do anything at all), but since my body is craving a shower, I'll go shower. I feel disgusting anyway.
Again, DAMN HANSEN DAM PARK and that little piece of orange.
Bye, everybody.
Take it easy.
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