Heavy Heart
I'm feeling it again... And it's been quite a long time since I've felt it. This must mean that I am feeling extremely burdened right now.
Let's just start simply, with my day:
The Spanish final, which I literally did not study the least bit for, was just plain boring. Just. Plain. Boring! It was 100 questions (1oo is never good), and then fifteen more short answer ones. She said that people who have A's don't have to do them, but then I wanted to do them anyway, because I finished with over and hour of class left. Then again, I didn't do them, because I had somewhat of a headache at the time. I've been waking up with headaches almost every day this week. And that clearly is not a healthy occurrence. Anyway, after I finished, I "signed" a yearbook (wrote a short story, practically) and then just talked with the friend behind me. (Yes, I do have a few friends in that class, contrary to my much-mentioned dislike for it.) Finally, at 9:45, the bell rang, signifying the end of fourth period and the beginning of passing period to third, which, for me, is math. Joy, oh joy. So I got there, and then I realized that I had left my drills (warm-ups) at home in my book! Later on, when I told the teacher, she told me to just copy somebody's. And there were only like, four more minutes left. That was quite possibly the ugliest paper I've turned in to that lady. But oh well. At least it won't be the worst score. Gosh. I got a four on yesterday's quiz. It's so pathetic. I am miserable. Just kidding. But although I've decided to be okay with my two B's (chem and math), it's really not like I'm that satisfied. Though I know it's my own fault for not having tried harder or having attempted to study harder... Gosh. This year has been so messed up for me. Yet, in many respects, it's been good. Anyway, back to my day... The English final... Ha. It was more like normal classwork. It was a 400-point giveaway. Seriously. It was cool, though, I guess. Then in fifth period, we just continued watching the "music videos." They sucked. To be bluntly honestly straightforward. 'cause honesty is essential in a good relationship. Oh, also in English, we listened to a song called "The Lady of Shallot". I bet all the girls loved it. I know I did. It's so nice-sounding, and Loreena McKennit's voice is just plain incredible. She kicks David Cook away! (Well, of course.) The song is about... Well, it's something to do with (King) Arthurian legends. I love Sir Lancelot. He is such a chivalrous, honorable hero. I told my friend that I'd marry him anyday. I mean, if it makes much sense marrying a long-dead guy...who just so happens to be legendary. Literally. And then today our teacher told us that all the girls have always loved him. I'm good at picking. Haha, just kidding.
Let's see. Tomorrow is Saturday... I have to study for math and chem over the weekend. But that doesn't necessarily mean tomorrow, and knowing myself, that doesn't necessarily mean Sunday, either... Most likely late Sunday night, early Monday morning. We aren't going to have Deca during finals, and I guess that's good, because then I can just "chill" in the mornings. Not that I ever mind having Deca first thing in school. It's cool. But I don't get the point of meeting on Wednesday, though, because, well, that's the only day left! And I highly doubt we'll be meeting on Thursday... Oh, wait... Friday is the last day of school Whatever. Speaking of Thursday, I wish to go to graduation. Just to see my senior friends graduate. (Well, what else would I go for?) But I have class, and missing one day out of merely twenty is not good.
I kind of miss the days when I didn't ever have to worry about my grades. The days when I thought it shameful to acquire grades lower than A's; the days when I didn't need a calendar or agenda to keep up with all that lies ahead of me; the days when... Just before, I guess. I'm tired of having to worry so much these days, tired from worrying, tired from worrying about not worrying, all that. And I'm only a teenager! Imagine if/when I have a family, a job... Oh, gosh, that'll be bad.
Right now, it is 11:26, and I am watching "Friends". I love that show. I wonder if I'll ever be that way with any of my friends. Actually, I'd probably never like to live with them. Not that I dislike them (ahem). I'm just not a very open person in that respect.
There are times when I think that I'm "afraid" of getting too "emotionally attached" to somebody. I fall, I stay, and I pull away. Stray, evade... That's like, the hardest phase. Because you still want the former two stages, but then you know that you shouldn't prolong it any longer if you don't feel like it anymore. Or whatever. I'm just saying. I tend to be very evasive sometimes. And yes, it could be due to the fact that I don't like that person. Or, it could be because I don't feel a certain connection anymore! Ha!
I don't know what that last part was for.
"I'm in my thirties, and I've never been in a long-term relationship? What's wrong with me?!" says Phoebe from "Friends". I'm going to be like that some day. Sans the second rhetorical question.
Oh, so today, I started reading Change of Heart by Jodi Picoult. I was reading on the bus after school, got up to page 13, and then fell asleep. I actually slept on the bus! Anyway, the book so far has been about... Actually, I'm not really all that sure... Huh. Go figure.
Today at lunch I went to the counselors' office--
Phoebe: "He was sweet and smart and funny. Do you know how hard it is to find a guy like that?"
Ross: "Yeah, we're a rare breed."
"...And I will also say what I'm about to say. Vis-a-vi, the following."
--So I went to the counselors'. And before I got in, I saw quite a few people standing both inside and outside, and I immediately thought, "Oh, no. A line. No!" But then once I went in, I saw my old counselor (old as in opposite of new) and she saw me, and she actually smiled and waved to me! She looked so happy. That made me happy, too. And then...yeah. It was a nice visit.
Then I was supposed to go to the attendance office to go fix my stupid "unresolved absence" for Spanish class for May 16th. I have one for Deca, too... I wonder if she fixed that for me like she'd said she would. I hate unresolved absences. They look so horrible on one's perfect-attendance record.
Those "real fruit shakes" from Jack in the Box... Why call them "real"?! Aren't they supposed to be real? Artificiality these days...
Anyway, I'm going to focus my attention on "Friends" now, and then go to sleep. And then hopefully go play tennis in the afternoon and badminton at night tomorrow.
Good night.
Let's just start simply, with my day:
The Spanish final, which I literally did not study the least bit for, was just plain boring. Just. Plain. Boring! It was 100 questions (1oo is never good), and then fifteen more short answer ones. She said that people who have A's don't have to do them, but then I wanted to do them anyway, because I finished with over and hour of class left. Then again, I didn't do them, because I had somewhat of a headache at the time. I've been waking up with headaches almost every day this week. And that clearly is not a healthy occurrence. Anyway, after I finished, I "signed" a yearbook (wrote a short story, practically) and then just talked with the friend behind me. (Yes, I do have a few friends in that class, contrary to my much-mentioned dislike for it.) Finally, at 9:45, the bell rang, signifying the end of fourth period and the beginning of passing period to third, which, for me, is math. Joy, oh joy. So I got there, and then I realized that I had left my drills (warm-ups) at home in my book! Later on, when I told the teacher, she told me to just copy somebody's. And there were only like, four more minutes left. That was quite possibly the ugliest paper I've turned in to that lady. But oh well. At least it won't be the worst score. Gosh. I got a four on yesterday's quiz. It's so pathetic. I am miserable. Just kidding. But although I've decided to be okay with my two B's (chem and math), it's really not like I'm that satisfied. Though I know it's my own fault for not having tried harder or having attempted to study harder... Gosh. This year has been so messed up for me. Yet, in many respects, it's been good. Anyway, back to my day... The English final... Ha. It was more like normal classwork. It was a 400-point giveaway. Seriously. It was cool, though, I guess. Then in fifth period, we just continued watching the "music videos." They sucked. To be bluntly honestly straightforward. 'cause honesty is essential in a good relationship. Oh, also in English, we listened to a song called "The Lady of Shallot". I bet all the girls loved it. I know I did. It's so nice-sounding, and Loreena McKennit's voice is just plain incredible. She kicks David Cook away! (Well, of course.) The song is about... Well, it's something to do with (King) Arthurian legends. I love Sir Lancelot. He is such a chivalrous, honorable hero. I told my friend that I'd marry him anyday. I mean, if it makes much sense marrying a long-dead guy...who just so happens to be legendary. Literally. And then today our teacher told us that all the girls have always loved him. I'm good at picking. Haha, just kidding.
Let's see. Tomorrow is Saturday... I have to study for math and chem over the weekend. But that doesn't necessarily mean tomorrow, and knowing myself, that doesn't necessarily mean Sunday, either... Most likely late Sunday night, early Monday morning. We aren't going to have Deca during finals, and I guess that's good, because then I can just "chill" in the mornings. Not that I ever mind having Deca first thing in school. It's cool. But I don't get the point of meeting on Wednesday, though, because, well, that's the only day left! And I highly doubt we'll be meeting on Thursday... Oh, wait... Friday is the last day of school Whatever. Speaking of Thursday, I wish to go to graduation. Just to see my senior friends graduate. (Well, what else would I go for?) But I have class, and missing one day out of merely twenty is not good.
I kind of miss the days when I didn't ever have to worry about my grades. The days when I thought it shameful to acquire grades lower than A's; the days when I didn't need a calendar or agenda to keep up with all that lies ahead of me; the days when... Just before, I guess. I'm tired of having to worry so much these days, tired from worrying, tired from worrying about not worrying, all that. And I'm only a teenager! Imagine if/when I have a family, a job... Oh, gosh, that'll be bad.
Right now, it is 11:26, and I am watching "Friends". I love that show. I wonder if I'll ever be that way with any of my friends. Actually, I'd probably never like to live with them. Not that I dislike them (ahem). I'm just not a very open person in that respect.
There are times when I think that I'm "afraid" of getting too "emotionally attached" to somebody. I fall, I stay, and I pull away. Stray, evade... That's like, the hardest phase. Because you still want the former two stages, but then you know that you shouldn't prolong it any longer if you don't feel like it anymore. Or whatever. I'm just saying. I tend to be very evasive sometimes. And yes, it could be due to the fact that I don't like that person. Or, it could be because I don't feel a certain connection anymore! Ha!
I don't know what that last part was for.
"I'm in my thirties, and I've never been in a long-term relationship? What's wrong with me?!" says Phoebe from "Friends". I'm going to be like that some day. Sans the second rhetorical question.
Oh, so today, I started reading Change of Heart by Jodi Picoult. I was reading on the bus after school, got up to page 13, and then fell asleep. I actually slept on the bus! Anyway, the book so far has been about... Actually, I'm not really all that sure... Huh. Go figure.
Today at lunch I went to the counselors' office--
Phoebe: "He was sweet and smart and funny. Do you know how hard it is to find a guy like that?"
Ross: "Yeah, we're a rare breed."
"...And I will also say what I'm about to say. Vis-a-vi, the following."
--So I went to the counselors'. And before I got in, I saw quite a few people standing both inside and outside, and I immediately thought, "Oh, no. A line. No!" But then once I went in, I saw my old counselor (old as in opposite of new) and she saw me, and she actually smiled and waved to me! She looked so happy. That made me happy, too. And then...yeah. It was a nice visit.
Then I was supposed to go to the attendance office to go fix my stupid "unresolved absence" for Spanish class for May 16th. I have one for Deca, too... I wonder if she fixed that for me like she'd said she would. I hate unresolved absences. They look so horrible on one's perfect-attendance record.
Those "real fruit shakes" from Jack in the Box... Why call them "real"?! Aren't they supposed to be real? Artificiality these days...
Anyway, I'm going to focus my attention on "Friends" now, and then go to sleep. And then hopefully go play tennis in the afternoon and badminton at night tomorrow.
Good night.
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