Hodgepodge

So many things to write about, so little time.

First of all, Merry Christmas Eve! It's hard to believe that one week of winter break has already passed and, more importantly, that 2012 is almost over. This past year has seemed like such a blur: I'm confusing this London summer with last Shanghai summer, this quarter's education course with last year's theory courses, this year's one-job schedule with last year's two-job juggle. Even though I'm confusing and blending so many things altogether, 2011 seems like a lifetime ago. Heck, all months previous to this seem like a lifetime ago.

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I suppose I should start with a fall quarter reflection, since I didn't really provide an in-depth one last time. The first several weeks, I felt that the quarter couldn't end fast enough. Thankfully, my mind wasn't stuck in summer vacation mode the way it was perpetually stuck on winter break mode last year. It was, however, fixated on senioritis. I love school and I love to learn, but I've just been tired of studying, which was why I didn't study very hard for accounting. I struggled on the midterm, and I thought I had done relatively well on the final, but I ended up not even passing the class. From having studied much harder for the final, though, I learned the serious importance of doing practice problems and focusing while studying. I just wish I had done that for the midterm, too.
I loved my education class. All the people who reviewed the course was right--it does make you see the education system from a different perspective. On a regular basis, I find myself referring to various theoretical frameworks and critical perspectives that I have gathered from the course, which I have realized is a clear indication of having learned something from the course. Come to think of it, I have also referred to accounting principles in recent conversations!
Despite and in addition to classes, I don't think I've ever enjoyed college more. I probably should have felt the "college experience" more when I was in the dorms first and second years, but I suspect that working two jobs and not doing anything else last year and just plain not doing anything first year hindered the experience. Working one job now, taking the regular three class coursework, and living in an apartment have immensely contributed to a better-rounded and more fulfilling college experience for me. From paying rent monthly to cooking dinner daily; from living with girls I had not known before to dating someone I had just begun to talk to; from being able to call the apartment "home" to making the weekly drive back home... I believe that I've continued to grow and learn. Paying rent and bills isn't a waste of money; it's a lesson in financial responsibility. Cooking dinner isn't a deviation from studies; it's a lesson in domesticity and efficiency. Living with strangers isn't dangerous or worrisome; it's a lesson in making connections with and trusting others. Dating someone and having it not work out isn't a waste of time; it's a lesson in others as well as yourself. Finding a new home isn't isn't estranging yourself from your family; it's a lesson in establishing roots and comfort wherever you can. Nothing is a waste as long as it's a learning experience.

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Often, I forget the beauty of friendship. In the midst of everything else, and even while spending time with friends, I fail to just enjoy and appreciate their presence in my life. I take them for granted by ignoring their text/ instant messages, postponing/ canceling plans with them, directing mean remarks toward them... All these times, I forget that they're the ones I turn to with my woes, that they're the ones I ask to spend time with when I'm lonely, that they're the ones I care about and who care about me. Here are some of them:

Girl time is the best time.

Ups and downs, always there.

Five, through everything and anything.

The most important friendship of all.

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I just exclaimed to my mother, "I'm almost 21 years old! Do you feel old now?" Rather than reciprocating jokingly, she said, "I don't know, but you still behave like a teenager." Since when was socializing not adult-like?! To be fair, in many ways, she is right. Despite everything that I have learned and all that I have grown in the past few years, I still am very much a kid (at heart). I have learned a lot about the "real world," but there are still so many things I have yet to see or experience. I have learned a lot about the people around me as well as myself, but they still often surprise me and I myself. This only means that I will continue to grow and to learn, and in that sense, perhaps it's really true that with age comes wisdom. 

But as age and wisdom increase, a sense of youthful liveliness must remain. I want to continue to run toward the swing set at the park, to wander around the markers and crayons section of an office supply store, to line up for animal-shaped balloons at the farmer's market, to surprise guests with my Nerf gun, to make lame jokes and puns... I don't want to suppress my kid-at-heart just because I'm getting older; rather, I want it to be more prevalent. Certainly, this doesn't mean that I won't act my age when I have to! Different situations and times call for different behaviors. ...Nor does this mean I have multiple personality disorder. I simply have multiple personas. Okay, this cyclical conversation is probably proving otherwise.

My point is, I will always be a kid at heart.

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Toward the end of the quarter, it suddenly dawned on me that it's so easy to spend 10 weeks in the same room with a group of people, however big or small, and not talk with or get to know any one of them. When did we become so disconnected from others, to be in the same room, yet remain worlds apart? How do we maintain this distance between one another? Often, I wish that I had spoken with more classmates throughout the quarter, gotten to know the professor or TA, etc. Getting to know people and making new friends is so wonderful, and yet, I allow the distance to remain between the person sitting next to me and myself. I should take the time to close that gap, because I never know how important that person can become in my life. As aforementioned, friendships are beautiful.

On the other hand, 10 weeks is plenty of time to get to know someone, but at the same time, realize that you know nothing about him/ her at all. Two people can spend as many hours of the day, days of the week together as they can, but still maintain an emotional distance. One party can divulge as much of her life story and exhibit as much of her world as she wants to, but the relationship can never be fulfilled if the other party doesn't reciprocate. Relationships of any sort take mutual time and effort to construct. They're hard work, but if you can get a strong relationship out of it, it's worth the emotional labor. 

On the same note, in establishing a relationship, I can claim as much as I want to that the other person doesn't know what he wants. But it certainly does not help that at the same time, nor do I know what I want. Inconsistency, I have learned, only takes away from the construction of a relationship. Sure, the beginning steps can be to experiment and overcome the uncertainty, but how long can it loom over all the emotional labor before efforts begin to seem futile?

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Last week, we went to San Francisco. I hadn't been to SF in years, and this was my first trip there with friends rather than family (although, some friends become family, but that's another conversation). Despite the shady areas and the lack of parking lots, I began to miss SF the moment that we cross the Bay Bridge on the way back home. I just love being in new places all the time, absorbing culture here, there, and everywhere. My favorite aspect of traveling and being in a new place is just living from moment to moment. I don't have to worry about work, school, or any other obligations or appointments. Essentially, I can do whatever I want whenever I please. I can meet people I probably never would have met at home, try foods I probably never would have found elsewhere, photograph scenes I probably never would have witnessed anywhere else. The "only here" and "only now" experiences excite me and draw me in. 

Anyway, SF was great fun. I found the best sandwiches I've ever consumed, crossed the Golden Gate Bridge with minimal fear (of heights and ocean), and even re-experienced tea time at two different places. "The Lion King" musical at the Orpheum was not as good as I had anticipated, but I had a good time there nonetheless. It made me miss the amazing "Phantom of the Opera" I saw in London a few months ago and reminded me of the Shakespeare theatre we watched as a class in Stratford-upon-Avon. Anyway, we were in SF from Wednesday through Friday, but despite knowing that, I kept thinking it was the weekend, and when we came back, I thought it was the middle of the week. Needless to say, I have lost track of time!

Before crossing the Bridge.

Tea Time is the best time (after girl time).

Began and ended the trip with Ike's.

I look forward to going on more trips with friends, family, and even strangers (from school)! I love traveling and strongly encourage it. It's another wonderful learning experience that you don't get from a classroom or teacher. You learn as you go, and the lessons derived from that are some of the most important ones.

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Something else I have learned is: the more people you meet, the smaller the world gets. I used to think that as I got older, my world would only get bigger because of all the new things I would do and people I would meet. But time has shown quite the contrary. The people you know know the people you will know; the people you will know know the people you have known. I don't even know! It's just mind-boggling. 

Every time I realize this nowadays, I envision myself on the little castle boat ride at Disneyland, gazing around at the different "worlds" riders enter in awe, with "It's a Small World After All" playing in the background. I suppose not everything Disney(land) teaches is false.

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Happy Holidays, everyone!