Then and Now

I used to wish I was 20 years old already because I thought 20 was the best age to have fun and do whatever I want.

I forget I'm even 20 years old, and often wish I were a child again, without a worry in the world. Living under my parents' roof as well as under my own inhibitions, I cannot do whatever I please, though I still do have fun. But there's work. Never thought I would have to work at 20. It makes me feel oh so old.

I used to want to be a choreographer, a NASCAR racer, a doctor, a teacher, a lawyer, an actress... I changed my mind all the time. I wanted to be a writer for the longest time.

Now I don't know what I want to be. I want to write, but even that is less clear to me nowadays than it used to be. I can't do choreography, acting, or NASCAR. I won't do medicine or law. Maybe education. The vastness of options leaves me lost, more so now than ever. I still change my mind all the time.

I used to think adults had it so much easier than kids because they could drive to wherever and pay for whatever.

Driving can put me in the worst moods, and paying puts my bank account in the worst moods. Everything is so costly, in time and money.

I used to want time to pass by quickly so that I could be 20 years old.

Now time can't pass by slowly enough.

I used to think I would never get married and just date for my entire life. Alternatively, I would get married (and divorced) multiple times. All because my "romantic" interests were ever roaming. 

I will get married some day and be happy with that person for the rest of my life.

I used to not want to have kids because 1) I wanted to focus on myself, 2) I was afraid they would inherit diabetes from me.

I will have kids some day, and no matter what conditions they come with, I will take care of and cherish them the way my parents did me--completely selflessly. Learn, I will.

I used to hate running and any games involving running (e.g. tag, cops and robbers, hide and seek) because I was always the slowest one and subsequently the most likely to lose/ surrender. I blamed my medical condition. I also hated exercising--but just because I was so lazy.

Thank goodness for SRLA. Although I don't run as often as I should anymore, I can't imagine just not running at all. I love it: I love testing my endurance, pushing my limits, not thinking at all, wiping my sweat, buying Nike Free Run shoes. I even plan to run at least three more marathons before I have kids. And I love working out and cannot imagine simply not exercising. Such stress-relievers.

I used to never worry or stress out. I prided myself in never stressing out, actually.

Even driving stresses me out now.

I used to love going to the mall and shopping and bought the most worthless junk (e.g. stickers, gel pens, hair clips) that I saved and never used. I pouted and threw fits when my mother wouldn't buy me something I wanted.

Going to the mall is such a waste of time and money. I hate shopping, unless it's for groceries or unless I know what I'm going to a store to buy and buy little to nothing else. For minute after minute, I reason and debate whether I really need or want an item, and usually end up putting it down because I realize I really don't need that much stuff.

I used to have an extremely bad temper and lacked patience.

I like to think I'm okay now. In the last two or three years, I have tried to work on my patience, and it's been better. I still often get annoyed at many things, though, but I know when and how not to express it. However, a handful of people have claimed that I have "road rage," so I suppose I need to work on my patience on the road...

I used to love peanut butter, peanuts, cheese, milk, plums, and apples. Actually, I ate just about anything.

Peanut butter, peanuts, cheese: eww. Milk makes my stomach churn unpleasantly. Plums make my skin itch. Apples, I'm just too lazy to eat. Otherwise, I'm still not too picky of an eater, as long as whatever's supposed to be cooked is cooked, and whatever's supposed to be raw is clean. Oh, and as long as I don't suspect I'm going to get diarrhea from eating it.

I used to read book after book after book. One time, I borrowed 27 books from the Chinatown library! My mother often had to come into my room to tell me to put the book down and go to sleep.

Read? Ha! I don't even read for class, much less for pleasure. Most of my reading nowadays consists of my Facebook newsfeed (pathetic, I know). Nowadays, my mother comes into my room to tell me to turn off the computer and go to sleep.

I used to think I knew and understood everything adults did.

I'm an adult now, and I know and understand so little relative to the rest of the world.