Impending Doom


So, it's nearing the very end of week 10. In other words, I ought to be studying my brain out right now--or filling it to the brim with information I'll forget immediately after finals--but here I am, because I feel full from the butter croissant I just ate and because I feel like I need a break after a mere hour of studying. I suck, I know. I just feel that in the midst of this constant studying (on other people's parts, of course), I should enjoy my time FOR them. Just kidding. It's all for myself because I'm an idiot who doesn't know how to effectively study and therefore just ignores the concept entirely, thinking that finals won't be that bad, only to end up with a mediocre grade because I neglected the importance of studies and the purpose of my presence here at UCLA. Just slightly kidding there. Although, no joke about the studying (or lack thereof, really) part.

The vanilla latte today isn't that good. I think I'll go back to caramel. Oh, let me just establish now that I WILL study again after I finish this... Which means I will probably try to blog as much as possible just to evade studying... Which is bad. So, uh, we'll see.
My first final is for English on Tuesday, and there are SO many dates to memorize (really, not learn, but memorize) because, understandably, it's important to know the contexts in which works were written. My professor emailed out a six-page study guide, and I'm still only halfway through the first page... And there's a paper due on TurnItIn on Monday evening! Speaking of papers, I got a B again on my second paper, and I must admit, it was extremely discouraging. Although, to be fair, my TA was right. My theses haven't been as well and strongly formulated as they should have been. I used to think I wrote really good theses, but now that I've gotten two not so desirable grades in a row, I'm starting to question whether or not I was ever really that strong of a writer or if people were just misled because I wrote so differently than everybody else in high school. Or if I've forgotten how to formulate a good thesis! Either way, I need to work on that, and I have absolutely no idea how, because apparently, office hours and emails don't work. I think I might purchase a thesis-writing help book the next time Borders has a coupon. Hopefully that will help. In the meantime, though, I must work on my next and final paper for this quarter.
On a brighter note, linguistics hasn't been as bad as I had predicted a few weeks ago. The third quiz actually ended up being quite simple, and I got an A- on both that and my "research" paper. So I suppose that's good. But seriously, though, I feel so pathetically mediocre compared to my roommates, who always seem to do so well in everything! They study so hard, and I just...study when I want to. I have been too accustomed to not having to study to do well... And I foreshadow that one day, I will regret it. Ahhh. Man, school is such a drag. Work would be, too. Why can't I just sleep, eat, explore, and watch "Days of Our Lives"? Unfortunately, I'm sure that would eventually turn out to be a drag, as well. Oh, the unending monotony of life... I need some adventures.
Chem is looking a bit brighter nowadays just because we started doing equilibrium and acid-base stuff. Equilibrium had always been my favorite part of chemistry. I think perhaps it's just because of the comforting sense of equilibrium. Equilibrium = constancy = comforting. I recognize that this completely contradicts my desire for adventures, in which case equilibrium, constancy, and probably also comfort, would be disturbed, but everything is full of contradictions, and so am I!

This morning, I woke up extra early (9:35 may not be early to you, but to my defense, it's a Saturday and I'm still a teenager!) to go to the gym. I did 5k on the treadmill, and even though I did not run it without stopping like I wanted to, it felt good. So that took a while, and then I did some weights, and then went to brunch. I've upped my "twice a week" gym routine to three--or, thrice? But obviously, that won't happen on finals week. Although, I might be able to go at least twice... The night before my first final, right after my linguistics review session... And right after my last final on Thursday, before I go home... I am looking forward to 2:31 p.m. on Thursday. FREEDOM!

So, I know that I already have more running shoes than I need, but I really want the shoes below. And because I actually go to the gym on a regular basis, I think I deserve them! Not both, but either one. I am excited to get them when Footlocker has a sale! Yay for Nike shoes!

And so concludes my wholehearted post for the day and so resumes my half-hearted studying effort.

Why always "not yet"? Do flowers in spring say "not yet"?
~Norman Douglas

P.S. It's almost spring!

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