Reflections

It has been almost two years since I began my journey of personal development. It’s been long, and it’s been a long time coming, though “development” connotes an ongoing process, one that doesn’t end. As my colleague once wisely stated, “Mastery is a direction, not a destination.” While it would be easy for me to readily negate everything that I’ve done and the progress I’ve made by saying, “Meh, I haven’t accomplished that much,” that would be giving myself too little credit. I have reevaluated and reflected a great deal, and admittedly, I also have never cried so much and so often before this whole process began—sometimes good and happy tears, other times--simply sad tears. Here are a handful of things I have learned. This list is not meant to impart wisdom or evoke sympathy. I merely want to share some of the recurring themes that go on in my head since my journey began as well as some of the recurring themes that go on in my head for the journey that continues.

1. Everybody has their own story(ies). Quick to judge, we readily make assumptions about people based on what we see from first glance or what we gather from first impressions. And it isn’t that first impressions aren’t important, but people and their stories are ever the more important. We don’t understand why or how people do the things they do, and without intimate and meaningful conversation, we never will. Everybody has their reasons, their stories for whatever it is that we are judging them about.
2. When I am in angst and turmoil, it’s easy for me to isolate myself and forget that I have a support system, for which I am grateful when I realize it—often too late. I keep to myself, thinking that I can solve things on my own, that I shouldn’t bother others with my personal issues. But if not emotional support, what else are family and friends for? (And dogs. Can’t forget dogs.) And it helps tremendously to have one-on-ones with people (and dogs), for the aforementioned intimate and meaningful conversations. And on this note, I have realized that the people who care about me care more than I often lead myself to believe. They just don’t know that I need the support when I don’t reach out to them, or when I don’t express the need when we are together.
3. While people care more than I think, people in general also care a lot less than I think. People are too busy minding their own business and going about their days to care about whether my shoes match my top, whether the coffee mug reached my chin instead of my lips, whether my cheeks look a bit puffy today. So I shouldn’t spend so much time wondering what people will think. 
4. I’m not alone. In the past couple of months, I have been opening up more about my thought processes—let’s be real, it’s an early onset midlife crisis—and on multiple occasions, I have had moments of pure elation, envisioning party poppers launching tons of vibrant confetti into the air, upon realizing that I was not alone! This entire time, I haven’t been the only person who feels lost in both personal and professional realms; I haven’t been the only person who feels purposeless; I haven’t been alone at all. If I had earlier on expressed a need for support, I would have felt this connection with others sooner, and I would not have felt so alone.
5. Naturally, reflection is based on the past. So obviously, I have reflected a lot on my childhood, and in doing so, I have time and again had moments of “Wow, THAT’s why [insert Wendy behavior or belief here].” And in these moments, I recognize that I need to let go of some things. Undoubtedly, the past largely comprises who I am, but it doesn’t need to define who I want to be, especially since who I am is immensely flawed. Which brings me to…
6. I can’t change or take back anything that has happened, but I can control how I react to it. How I feel and what I do are completely within my own control. And this reaction starts a chain reaction, because my actions do not affect only me. This is something that has taken me years to realize, and something that I still struggle with. In this sense, I’ve always been a little selfish. I don’t quite understand the circle of influence or the chain reaction that I can set off with an action that I would think harmless, at least for myself, at least for the moment.
7. Just as everybody has their stories to tell, but that we do not know, people’s lives are not as picture-perfect as social media portrays. While I am constantly in awe of the power of social media, I recently became appalled by the self-degradation and envy that it can evoke in its audience. Yes, I am speaking from personal experience. While I didn’t wish I looked like any particular Instagram model, I began to point out parts of my body to “focus on”, chastising myself for not trying harder at the gym. I began to envy the friends who frequently post travel photos of weekend trips and long vacations, forgetting my own magical moments I told myself I’d never let go of. I began to spend inordinate amounts of time focusing on my phone instead of what or who was right in front of me, getting “FOMO” about a missed brunch instead of appreciating nature on a beautiful morning. Just as I don’t post about the hardships and the hard moments in my life, others don’t often share that realm. Social media highlights the best moments in someone’s life, so it’s easy to fall into the trap of self-degradation and envy. 
8. Do life one day at a time. Until last year, I had always prided myself in being "very chill". But then projects and people started piling up on my plate, and soon enough, I began to feel anxious all the time, and this took a mental as well as physical toll. After being advised multiple times to write things down and prioritize, I finally did so. And it helps so much! What doesn't help is worrying about next week and next month on top of today and tomorrow. Things change and plans change, and that's okay. Some things you just can't control. (See #6.)
9. Self-limiting beliefs are just that--self-limiting. Given external deterrents and discouragement, what sense does it make to deter and discourage my own self? I can be my own biggest doubter, or I can be my own biggest supporter. One of my former bosses once told me to surround myself with greatness via great people--only then will I become great too. But I think greatness also comes from within. It would be futile to surround myself with and be inspired by great people if I myself don't have the willpower, determination, and self-encouragement to do anything about my goals.
10. I can't always make other people happy. It's hard to do and even harder to admit. I spent years making decisions and commitments based on what I thought others wanted or needed, forgoing the better decisions for and commitments to myself. I tried to convince myself that seeing other people happy made me happy, but alas, they were only fleeting moments. On the occasions I failed to make somebody happy, I became disappointed. On the occasions somebody was completely unappreciative, I became angry. Furthermore, I can't ever base my happiness on one person, or any group of persons. I have to find happiness on my own terms, and that means asking myself what I want, and actually doing it. Which leads me to...
11. Just do it. It's true what they say: the hardest step is to begin. While I have many self-limiting beliefs and much deeply rooted negativity to overcome, I have found time and again that once I commit to something--whether it's krav maga or a Spartan Race--and begin doing it, it isn't as difficult as I somehow originally led myself to believe. After that, the challenge lies in persistence, which I still have to work on. 

Stay tuned. Reflections to be continued as personal development journey continues... 

P.S. Can you tell by this face that these are all the thoughts that go through my head?