A Day Off
Last Friday, I found out during our team meeting that our office would be closed the following Monday and Tuesday (i.e. yesterday and today) for Rosh Hashana. My immediate reaction was panic mixed with a bit of pleasant-surprise-shock--because who wouldn't welcome a day--much less TWO days--off? But I was panicked because I didn't know what to do with myself. I had plans for Saturday until mid-afternoon, and then I had three blank days ahead. Three blank days! "What do I do with myself?!" I crazily asked myself aloud and silently on repeat. I spent the rest of Friday contemplating plans and trips that I could execute in solitude, half-settling on driving up to Norcal to visit some friends. Alas, Saturday rolled around, and I did everything I had planned to do, in addition to a mid-afternoon impromptu shopping trip with my mom. I also ended up staying in Lincoln Heights, given that I had no real reason (i.e. plan) to go back to my apartment, and had lunch and went grocery shopping with my mom the next day. It was kind of nice to go with the flow and, more importantly, to hang out with my mom. After dinner that night, I returned to my apartment, per the Sunday night routine.
Routine. I realized I was sticking to routine, other than the out-of-the-ordinary hangouts with my mom. I scratched the tentative plan to visit Norcal, and after further contemplation, decided that I would do two individual day trips--one on Monday and one on Tuesday. Come Monday morning, on which I slept in and remembered how glorious sleep is, I changed my mind, and instead ate an early lunch, then made my way to the gym, and spent the rest of the afternoon reading and swinging at a park in Playa Vista. Come evening, I drove to the beach to watch the sunset, only to have that thwarted by high winds pelting grains of sand against my bare, unsuspecting legs. Who knew sand could hurt that much?! I can completely imagine that being a form of torture. Anyway, as I drove back to the apartment, I heard a great new song on the radio, and ended up looping it on Spotify as I strolled around the neighborhood--also something I hadn't done since the PokemonGo craze begun. By the time I got back into the apartment, I realized I had gotten through an entire day on my own. Without having done anything particularly special or out of the ordinary--like driving 360 miles north--I had a perfectly enjoyable day during which I gave work and other stressful things no thought at all.
Currently, I am sitting at Philz Coffee in Santa Monica. Although there was the usual traffic en route up the 405 and then the 10, I was at ease because I had no rush, no time limit, no need to be anywhere or do anything within any confines. I had only the desire to consume a nice cup of coffee, continue reading 1984, and maybe do some writing. And so far, I have done--or am doing--all of that. After this, I'm going to head over to the Misfit to have a drink, and then walk around the Pier to absorb some of the liveliness. Later this evening, I have a plan to go to a Meetup and then perhaps boxing class.
So far, it's been a good 1.5 days off. I went from not knowing what to do with myself and feeling completely lost, to doing a myriad of activities that work often gets in the way of--rightfully so because I'm paid and expect to do that work, of course. But the past 1.5 days have made me realize how imperative it is to take some time for myself to refresh, and more importantly, to do things that I truly enjoy doing. I haven't felt this stress-free, and free in general, in a long time.
Which also brings me to this. Lately, I have been craving human interaction. Working from home definitely has its advantages, but the biggest disadvantage is the solitude. While I appreciate being able to get through all of my work without the distractions of a physical office, I also miss being around people. So I've committed to working at a coffee shop at least once a week, which has eased the solitude considerably, despite that I don't actually talk to anyone else. However, I have finally come to terms with the fact that I must first be happy and content on my own before expecting to find happiness and contentment with anyone else. I always thought that everything I did needed to be done with somebody, but as more and more of my friends are occupied with work or study, I am increasingly left to my own methods of spending time. And I've learned that that's totally fine! There are times to be spent with others, and times to be spent with myself, both sorts of times equally enjoyable in their own respects.
That is all to say that I'm beginning to value "me-time." Not just working-at-home-by-myself me-time, but doing-things-outside-of-work-by-myself me-time. And ironically, in doing so, I also give myself the opportunity to meet new people with whom I can spend time, such as I have done through my boxing class.
TL; DR: I think I'm finally finding myself.
Routine. I realized I was sticking to routine, other than the out-of-the-ordinary hangouts with my mom. I scratched the tentative plan to visit Norcal, and after further contemplation, decided that I would do two individual day trips--one on Monday and one on Tuesday. Come Monday morning, on which I slept in and remembered how glorious sleep is, I changed my mind, and instead ate an early lunch, then made my way to the gym, and spent the rest of the afternoon reading and swinging at a park in Playa Vista. Come evening, I drove to the beach to watch the sunset, only to have that thwarted by high winds pelting grains of sand against my bare, unsuspecting legs. Who knew sand could hurt that much?! I can completely imagine that being a form of torture. Anyway, as I drove back to the apartment, I heard a great new song on the radio, and ended up looping it on Spotify as I strolled around the neighborhood--also something I hadn't done since the PokemonGo craze begun. By the time I got back into the apartment, I realized I had gotten through an entire day on my own. Without having done anything particularly special or out of the ordinary--like driving 360 miles north--I had a perfectly enjoyable day during which I gave work and other stressful things no thought at all.
Currently, I am sitting at Philz Coffee in Santa Monica. Although there was the usual traffic en route up the 405 and then the 10, I was at ease because I had no rush, no time limit, no need to be anywhere or do anything within any confines. I had only the desire to consume a nice cup of coffee, continue reading 1984, and maybe do some writing. And so far, I have done--or am doing--all of that. After this, I'm going to head over to the Misfit to have a drink, and then walk around the Pier to absorb some of the liveliness. Later this evening, I have a plan to go to a Meetup and then perhaps boxing class.
So far, it's been a good 1.5 days off. I went from not knowing what to do with myself and feeling completely lost, to doing a myriad of activities that work often gets in the way of--rightfully so because I'm paid and expect to do that work, of course. But the past 1.5 days have made me realize how imperative it is to take some time for myself to refresh, and more importantly, to do things that I truly enjoy doing. I haven't felt this stress-free, and free in general, in a long time.
Which also brings me to this. Lately, I have been craving human interaction. Working from home definitely has its advantages, but the biggest disadvantage is the solitude. While I appreciate being able to get through all of my work without the distractions of a physical office, I also miss being around people. So I've committed to working at a coffee shop at least once a week, which has eased the solitude considerably, despite that I don't actually talk to anyone else. However, I have finally come to terms with the fact that I must first be happy and content on my own before expecting to find happiness and contentment with anyone else. I always thought that everything I did needed to be done with somebody, but as more and more of my friends are occupied with work or study, I am increasingly left to my own methods of spending time. And I've learned that that's totally fine! There are times to be spent with others, and times to be spent with myself, both sorts of times equally enjoyable in their own respects.
That is all to say that I'm beginning to value "me-time." Not just working-at-home-by-myself me-time, but doing-things-outside-of-work-by-myself me-time. And ironically, in doing so, I also give myself the opportunity to meet new people with whom I can spend time, such as I have done through my boxing class.
TL; DR: I think I'm finally finding myself.
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| [taking the steps to finding myself] |
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