Pursuit

In the process of pursuing something or someone, how do you know when to stop? Per usual, what the heart feels and what the mind reasons most likely conflict. Per usual, what you guess you want to do and what your peers advise you to do most likely contrast. You seek one answer, but you find every way to dispute it, and vice versa, creating a virtually unending cycle of pursuit. 

There are always other things and other people, bigger things to do, bigger fish to fry. But how do you know when to move on? Even if aware of all these possibilities, you're just stuck on one. If you haven't been pursuing it, maybe you simply should let it go. If you have been, maybe you should persist. Or maybe you should start and end, respectively. How do you know?!

It's times like these--moments when I debate whether to continue pursuing an area of study or to continue pursuing a friendship--that I wish someone could just mandate me to choose. Better yet, tell me what to choose. I suppose that the question surrounding this mostly stems from the issue of uncertainty. You have to know what you want and how to attain it. And perhaps you have to set a time limit. That's one suggestion, I suppose. 

But again, what if when time runs out, you can't decide?! Do or don't, in or out, go or stop. In terms of pursuit, there is no gray area. You can't pursue and not pursue, you can't have one foot in and one foot out, despite how much easier (temporarily) that may appear. 

On a more personal note, I have a friend who I used to be close with, but after a while, I felt immensely conflicted about our relationship because he did such shady things, forgot our appointments, and essentially took advantage of my friendship, I think. Initially, I felt guilty. Then I felt liberated. Nowadays, when his name pops up in conversation or online, I wonder if I should try to pursue or reestablish our friendship. I had tried so many times before, and every time to no avail. I did decide to stop at one point, but at this point, I feel guilty for brushing aside a friendship like that. Although, he brushed it aside just as much as I did. And he didn't further pursue. That was indeed my defensive argument, by the way.

I don't know anymore. But if you suspected that that's the issue that prompted this post, you're right. 

I won't pursue or peruse this subject any longer (for tonight).

Sorry for the roundabout nonsense...