Hiatus

It has been way too long since I last blogged. Talk about a hiatus! An unusually long one... Sadly, the fact that I haven't been writing for anything other than academics has begun to shine through my English papers. I'm so rusty with verbs, (written) puns, and even parallelism. Even worse, my T.A. pointed out not just one, but TWO, grammatical errors in my first paper, which I got a disheartening--but well-deserved--C+ on. We turned in our second paper last Wednesday, and should be getting the grades back this upcoming Friday. At least I got 37/40 on my English 141 midterm essay... That was comforting in that I wrote it in 30 or 40 minutes and seem to have done okay on it.

Currently, I'm waiting for the last load of laundry to dry, then for dinner with all the cousins at the cousins-next-door's home because J is returning to Washington tomorrow (after a two-week break) to go to Afghanistan at the end of the month. When I think about it, I don't think I ever really miss him, but it has been nice to spend time with all of them together, even if he still is a bully to everybody! So today constitutes our last meals together (dim sum this morning and hot pot in half an hour) until he comes back home for his next break/ vacation, which I hope will be soon.

One thing that has been bothering me very much this past long weekend is my long fingernails. They're so disgustingly long! I haven't cut them because the regular-sized nail clipper is gone (it broke) and I hate clipping my fingernails with toenail clippers... So I have to wait until I get back to the dorm in about two hours to complete this task. I don't know how people can bear such long nails... Nasty.

Another thing is the bruise on my right thigh. Last night, I walked into the corner of my bed frame (I don't know how it happened--it isn't like I didn't know it was there) and the pain was immediate. I rubbed it to try to prevent a bruise. But this morning, it started swelling--with color, of course--and it has been hurting throughout the day. I probably should find something to at least reduce the swelling... Oh, and upon returning home from dim sum this afternoon, I closed the door on the back of my foot. Specifically, the bottom of the metal door scraped the back of my foot as I was closing it behind me. That pain was quite immediate and unpleasant, too, but at least I was wearing jeans. So, it could have been worse, and after last night's bruise, I'm glad it wasn't.

The alternative to doing this (finally) was reading Auden for tomorrow's English lecture, but it turned out that I had brought home the wrong book (even though I thought I had checked that it was the right book). But, of course, everything works out anyway, because I have been meaning to blog for a while. (Ha, don't I always say that...)

Last week, at work, I suddenly realized that I had worked at the law office for exactly two months. I don't remember the exact date I started working at the law school, though, but the two-month mark is probably tomorrow or Tuesday, since I started there a week or so after the law office.

And now straight into my working life I delve. Since one week before school began, I have been working. Those weeks, before move-in, I woke up at 5:45 a.m. on working days to drive to UCLA and pay $11 for day parking (that I used only three hours of) to work at the law school. At noon, I left and went straight to the law office in Century City, which takes about 15 minutes to get to from school. Those two week were miserable for me because I encountered traffic every day that I drove, in the morning as well as the evening.

However, when classes began, I got into the rhythm of work-class-work-homework. After two or three weeks, I thought to myself, "Hey, this isn't so bad." Then exhaustion from sleeping at 1 a.m. and waking up at 6:30 a.m. (Mondays and Wednesdays) kicked in. For a week, I was miserable again. And then I was and have been fine again since then!

Working 24 hours a week (12 at each job) would be perfectly doable if I weren't also a full-time student. I've been managing, but I truly feel that work is starting to have a negative effect on my lifestyle in that--although I have a regular schedule that consists of all three meals a day at regular times--I hardly have time to go to the gym and even if I skip the gym I still don't have enough time to finish the schoolwork that I should. That sentence probably didn't make sense, but I'm sure it's understandable anyway. That sentence also probably didn't make sense... Anyway. Sometimes I get frustrated, but then I remember that nobody ever forced me to accept two jobs (even though, technically, the law office wouldn't let me quit when I wanted to)... I should be glad that I even have a job (or two). I just hate that I never have time to myself to do what I want anymore. On the weekdays, anyway. Equally as important, financial aid might become a huge issue because I'm working so much. I could worry about that when FAFSA comes, but I can't help but think about it!

Which leads me to: I'm graduating in spring 2013, one year earlier than expected. Neither excited nor sad am I about this, though. Frankly, I have no clue what I want to do after I graduate. Several weeks ago, I was seriously considering law school, until I considered the $45k/ year tuition and all the loans I would have to take out in order to afford it. I could always fall back on getting a higher degree in English and then teach afterward, but would I really want to do that? Never before have I been more lost. Never before has it been so difficult and intimidating to think about the future. On the other hand, at least graduating earlier means that I can "save" a little bit of money to use toward post-graduate studies in whatever field I eventually decide to land in. It's actually very scary, because what if I end up going nowhere after undergraduate studies? I know that it's fine and normal to have just an undergraduate degree, but I feel that it isn't enough, even if only because I have always planned on going to graduate school for SOMETHING. Maybe this is just me expecting too much from myself again. But the point is, I really don't know. Graduating a year early, while perhaps saving me several thousand dollars, just means that I will have to decide sooner.

I know I have options. I only wish I could make a decision or two. This is what happens when I spend my entire life asking people to help me decide between ice cream flavors, sweatshirt colors, and even some classes. I wish I had spent my life being more certain and assertive about what I want so that I wouldn't be so lost right now.

While I am ranting like I am the only person in the world who feels this way, this is my acknowledgment that many other students must be feeling the same way. And in that, I find quite a great comfort.

I think I'm just about done for now. Dinner in 15 minutes!