Ugh

For the first time in a long time, I actually had a breakdown. Like, not because I was over-thinking or over-analyzing anything or anything. But just because people made me so mad in so many different ways all at once, and it was just so overwhelming. Surely, some of this came from something I've been trying to suppress or replace, but it just erupted. And I didn't know what else to do but cry. And now I feel much better, although my eyes are extremely dry and my head is starting to hurt. But Hershey's chocolate and worship songs are helping me calm down.

I'm going to get Late Night in about an hour because one of my suitemates gave me a coupon for a free combo meal from there. So I'll be having two dinners, yay! That's acceptable only because I finally did go to the gym today, albeit for only an hour, as opposed to the usual, ideal hour and half. I don't know, I think I just ran out of things to do. Should have stayed on the treadmill for longer. The treadmill I was using was new, too, although I can't say it was that much better than the "old" ones, because it has the same functions anyway...

I ate so much fruit today: two bananas before going to the gym; a banana, an orange and a pear during dinner; and a white nectarine just now. A few minutes ago, I suddenly realized that each of the four nectarines I bought at Ralphs last night cost me 26 cents... But that's a lot better than swiping for a fruit cup, which essentially translates to paying more than $8 for less than a pound of fruit. I'm telling you, college is such a rip-off. Or, college tries to rip off its students as much as possible, is another way of putting it.

For days now, I have been thinking about how much I need to cut my nails. I will cut them after I finish this. I will! It's getting so disgusting. Of the many things I just don't understand, growing out fingernails is one. First of all, you contract so many more germs that way, and all that nasty stuff stays under your nails. Second of all, even if it doesn't hurt you, it so easily hurts other people, especially if you play sports or if you are a hugger. It just isn't right! Third of all, if it breaks, it hurts, and then you complain and then have to cut it anyway. So just cut your fingernails when you have the time to, people.

Oh, and then there are those who deliberately slap on that nail-grower enhancement things to make their nails grow longer faster. What in the world?! How much more artificiality do we need to put on our bodies? Why can't people just embrace how they naturally look? Nobody needs makeup, nobody needs enhancements. We are the way we are. Why, oh why is it so difficult for some of us to just accept that and love ourselves and our natural beauty? I mean, I can understand if we have a hard time loving some other people, but seriously. Love starts with yourself.

But then again, according to Lucretius and Byron, humans cannot be happy because they fall in love. I haven't really read either yet, but that's how my professor articulated it. I'm telling you, the longer I stay in English and anthropology--more of the former than the latter--the bleaker my view of the world becomes. Okay, that was somewhat of an exaggeration, but some things I learn are just too bleak for the way I would like to live. Arguably, this only means that I can write good papers on the topic because of how strongly I feel for or against what the Libertines and Romantics believed. As well as the Classicists... Oh, boy, how times have changed. I do not think I would have fit in very well in any of those eras. But that probably would have made me famous today because of how socially isolated I would have been and how that social isolation would have led me to produce great and widely read works.

It is now 8:33. At 8:02, when I started this post, the sky was still bright. I can't wait for summer break already. So I can finally just lounge around, prance around and do whatever the heck I want without feeling guilty for not reading. Speaking of which, I STILL HAVE NOT GONE TO BORDERS. I even missed out on the 50% off any one item coupon, which truly, deeply saddened me.

The other day, I thought of something really good to blog about. But, emphasis on "the other day." I really should just write down whatever I think when I think it.

This week is week 9 already. which means finals are coming up very soon! Obviously, I have not begun to study yet. But I will start. Next week. Yes, I will! I really have been enjoying the anthropology readings, though. That's actually my favorite class this quarter, surprisingly. It's so interesting, and to me, it has made the familiar strange, which is one of the goals of anthropology. Another is to make the strange familiar, but that hasn't happened yet. Although my professor has summarized that there's no such thing as standard English and that double negatives are grammatically correct, in addition to that everybody is innately racist, among many other world-shattering things, linguistic anthropology has captured my interest this quarter. English is fine, but I just wish my professor were as exciting as my professor from last quarter.

I suppose this shall be it for tonight.