Days of My Life

Today was another one of those days I stupidly stayed home and waited while doing nothing because I expected. I should just eliminate all expectations from now on to prevent the uncomfortable feeling of my throat choking up, my eyes watering and my heart beating of anger and disappointment. But for some reason, I am never able to stop expecting. I wish I could reciprocate the disappointment, but I hate so much to disappoint others and myself, although I seem to make the latter happen all the time. Oh, well. Because that's what it is to the disappoint-er when I am the disappoint-ee.

Years ago, we thought about even more years ago as he sat down next to me on one of those dusty whitish benches beside the miniature basketball courts. He said to me, "You were allergic to eggs... or something, right?" Wrong. But yes, something. It is currently 2:34 a.m. and I am in post-"P.S. I Love You" mode. In other words, I felt that it might take me a while to fall asleep tonight--yet again--so I finally decided to get up and blog instead of toss and turn in my bed. Well, truth be told, I'm still in bed, but not tossing and turning, or else my laptop would be demolished by my 100+ pounds, and that would be one of the most terrible occurrences ever! I care for my technology like I would care for my blanket. I am quite ashamed that my blog posts are so utterly rare nowadays. And like I have said many times before, it isn't like I truly have that many things to do. Often, I just sit at my desk, stalking people on Facebook or... yeah, just that. Or I watch...

I decided to transfer to UCSD after having completed one and a half years at UCLA. It was more for the sake of spontaneity and change than anything else. It was a while past dusk, and I was carrying with me my black Adidas duffel bag three-quarters full of clothes and toiletries and nothing else. My mom was walking through the woods with me, toward my new dorm room. Upon arrival at my dorm building, I had trouble finding room 221 because the room numbers were in disarray. Finally, I settled in by putting my bag down on the floor and sitting on my lofted bed. The room was unbelievably spacious and empty, even with my already settled in roommate in there, as well. Then I walked outside, and my mom told me to walk with her to the car, and once we got there, she said she needed to walk me back to my dorm so I don't walk through the woods alone. She held on to my wrist with her left hand and to an umbrella--shading from what, I don't know--with her right. Then, I went to a small con...

It is currently 9:42 p.m. and I am in the Powell Library because the Internet is completely down in most buildings on the residence hill. Clearly, my building is one of them, or else I would not have taken the dangerously dark trek all the way down here just to blog and stalk people on Facebook. Well, actually, I would have gone to the gym, but it closes at 9:45 on Fridays, and I was not ready by 8:30 to go because I had just finished eating dinner. So I came with J to the library because she's a crazy person who actually would work after having studied all week for a midterm and having taken the midterm. This is what I do after I take a midterm. I can't believe I hadn't blogged in weeks until now. What is wrong with me? It isn't like I have any valid excuse, either, because until today, I have had perfectly functional Internet in my room, and until this week, I hadn't done ANY studying or reading. Today concludes the fourth week of college. I can't believe it...

Sincerely speaking, I have been meaning to blog for over a week now, but I just never got around to it. The television is always on, I'm always evading homework by turning to Facebook and Twitter; other than that, I'm either walking to and from class without ever really paying attention to lectures or even discussion or brisk-walking to the gym to work out. And unlike many of my friends and even my roommates, I haven't been doing homework or reading at all. I feel like such a bad student. And then I go to the gym and feel better. How odd. My first English paper rough draft is due next Wednesday, and I hope to start it this weekend. It's called a "close reading paper" on contemporary poetry, four pages required. I am quite excited to do it. And I don't recall if I have mentioned this yet, but college English is no joke. Especially in a class full of other English majors. It's a bit comforting, though, to know that I am no longer one of only a few Englis...

I miss The Boiling Crab. I REALLY, REALLY want to de-shell those succulent shrimps and dip each one into pepper/ lemon juice and then pick at Cajun fries. Other than that, I'm disappointed that I haven't been wanting to write these days. I haven't even been doing very much these past few days, other than walking around and eating and working out. And sitting around. Doing nothing. I brought my journal with me and put it in my desk drawer, expecting to write often. Yet, I have written none. Goodness. Today at dinner, something out of the ordinary occurred. J and I went to the "frozen yogurt" machine because we wanted to feel better by not getting "soft serve ice cream". We each got a cone and walked over to the frozen yogurt machine. I went first and pulled the strawberry lever. All of a sudden, pink liquid SPLATTERED all over the place. The cone toppled in my hands and I dropped it onto the bottom of the machine. Pink puddles of not so frozen yogurt inva...

I moved into UCLA yesterday at four. And it seems like so very long ago. It is currently 11:45 p.m. and I have been so tired from sleeping at 3:30 a.m. and waking up five and a half hours later and all the walking up and down infinite flights of stairs and the nonstop to and from. In other words, I'm not thinking clearly and my thoughts are coming to mind in fragmented clauses, so some of the things I will say might not make sense. Honestly, although I have been waiting to feel like writing, the feeling still has yet to arrive, so that's another reason for my fragmented clauses thinking. Also, I'm facing the television in our room. Yay. Yesterday, S, D, and my mom came with me to help me move into 720B at the end of the hallway. It was quite a quick process. Relatively painless and relatively simple. Now, everything is in its proper place for the time being, and I need only a few more items to make this room more comfortable for the next three quarters. Last night, J, J, W ...