Days of My Life

Yesterday, one of my friends sent me a cover of this song and pointed out what a messy situation it is to not be able to live with or without somebody. I agreed wholeheartedly, but countered that perhaps this song captures exactly the complications of love. You can't live with or without him/ her. Whether you're with or without him, he drives you crazy. His little habits--from never washing hands to farting all the time, from staring at you funny to texting during a conversation--annoy you to the utmost. At the same time, when he doesn't call for hours, when he hasn't been home the entire day, when you haven't seen him in however long, your entire day is thrown off balance. While there certainly are things you hate about him, you can't help but love him, even if you know he may not be the best thing for you, and vice versa. My friend asked, then, what one would do in this "can't live with or without you" situation. Without hesitation, I said,...

W  (12:40:00 AM) : oops. W  (12:40:04 AM) : typo. me (12:40:04 AM) : 's cool! me (12:40:05 AM) : my bad... me (12:40:09 AM) : perfect people make mistakes, too. me (12:40:10 AM) : i would know.   O:-)

"Hey, how are you?" "I'm good! How are you?" "I'm good, thanks." That snippet of conversational exchange happens unbelievably often in a work environment. I know so few of the faculty and staff that step into the office, but almost every time, one of us feels--or actually is--obligated to ask how the other is. It used to annoy me to the utmost because it seemed that the asker rarely seemed to care what the answer was, and that the answerer rarely seemed to care to give anything more than a brief "good" or "fine." And it still often annoys me for the same reason. I suppose that this exchange is necessarily an exchange of courtesy, even if not of sincerity. It seems that "How are you?" is the more adult, sophisticated way of saying just plain hello. But what's wrong with just plain hello? Is that not enough anymore? Do we really have to so often express false sincerity--and walking away while doing it, nonethe...

I wish I knew, I wish I could Be as certain as I was years ago I wish I knew, I wish I would Just go ahead, I know I should But I'm young, uncertain Not sure what I'm asserting Thinking about the future's a burden If I could just sleep on it, draw the curtains Just for a while, maybe a few years To figure things out, brave my fears Maybe then I'll finally know, Maybe then I'll finally see Just what in the world I'm supposed to be.

11:04 a.m. today marked the end of spring quarter--as well as the end of sophomore year (by time, not units)--for me. During my Literary Los Angeles final this morning, I felt that although I was physically there, twisting in my swivel chair, I was mentally absent. Upon receiving the exam prompts, I thought, "Hey, this won't be so bad. I know most of these quotes!" But after writing two of six explanations, I realized that it WAS going to be bad, because I knew so much less than I needed to. Again, like for the poli sci final from Monday, I had forgotten all the details of everything I had studied. I merely remembered some of the broad, general ideas, but all of the smaller, important concepts just escaped my mind. So I just sat there and wrote what little I could, frequently looking at my watch and counting down the time. Even worse, the essay part was ridiculously easy in that we could have chosen to write about whatever we wanted. Given all of these options, I felt all...

For some reason, I often am afraid that I don't matter as much to some people as they do to me. ...So I don't know whether I should care so much about them. Yet, I continue to.