Days of My Life

So many things to write about, so little time. First of all, Merry Christmas Eve! It's hard to believe that one week of winter break has already passed and, more importantly, that 2012 is almost over. This past year has seemed like such a blur: I'm confusing this London summer with last Shanghai summer, this quarter's education course with last year's theory courses, this year's one-job schedule with last year's two-job juggle. Even though I'm confusing and blending so many things altogether, 2011 seems like a lifetime ago. Heck, all months previous to this seem like a lifetime ago. ___________________________________________ I suppose I should start with a fall quarter reflection, since I didn't really provide an in-depth one last time. The first several weeks, I felt that the quarter couldn't end fast enough. Thankfully, my mind wasn't stuck in summer vacation mode the way it was perpetually stuck on winter break mode last year. It was, ...

I knew you were trouble when you walked in So shame on me now Flew me to places I've never been Til you put me down, oh I knew you were trouble when you walked in So shame on me now Flew me to places I've never been Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground, oh And the saddest fear comes creeping in That you never loved me, or her, or anyone, or anything I knew you were trouble when you walked in

Another fall quarter concludes as another winter break approaches. Although I still haven't decided whether to graduate this or next year, I am mentally preparing myself for the former. A few days ago, it occurred to me that this could be my last fall quarter at UCLA, one of my last research papers, one of my last everything here. Last week, as I was reading at the columns/ seats outside of Royce Hall, I realized that after I graduate, I probably won't hop onto the seat, stretch out my legs, read a few pages for English, glance around at passersby, and fall asleep again there again. I won't see the setting sun illuminate its last rays of light on Powell again. Everything will be so different once I do graduate, whether it's this year or next. I don't think I've ever appreciated UCLA more. While I have been exhausted from and tired of studying (on the rare occasion that I do, I guess), I do enjoy school. There are professors I want to take more classes with; cl...

I figured it out. When it comes to relationships with people--whether friendly or romantic--I wear my heart on my sleeve. Too quickly, I de-compartmentalize my life and reveal detail after detail. I expose everything about myself, hoping that maybe some day, the other will start  to do the same, hoping that my exposure will encourage the other to reciprocate. I understand that not everybody works this way and that some people need a lot of time before they can trust somebody with their life stories like that. Notwithstanding this, I can't help but feel the protruding imbalance in the relationship, and eventually become extremely bothered by it. If I wear my heart on my sleeve--out for the other to see, to touch, to love--I would want the other to at least take steps to develop a relationship together. I do not want to hang my heart out to dry (or break). But often, that's exactly what happens. Maybe it's just me, and I make myself too emotionally vulnerable to whoev...