Days of My Life

I wish I knew what I wanted anymore. I wish I knew what other people wanted so that I could decide how to act. But that means that my actions are contingent on others' desires--and they really are. It doesn't mean I can't be independent. I think it means more that I care more for what others want than what I want. Or maybe I'm so good at adapting and assimilating that whatever they want simply becomes what I want, too. At the very least, whatever they want becomes what I try to attain--most likely for them. I wish my decision-making process could be based on solely me, because at the end of each day, I have only myself. If I keep making decisions to make others happy, where will I end up? Surely, I could be happy with them, but only momentarily, because by achieving their happiness and desire, I will somehow have neglected my own. But what if my happiness is completely contingent on others'? How sad is that? Or how selfless is that? But that's exactly it... ...

Some people act like they're the only ones with things to deal with. Well, those people need to build a bridge and get over it. Or at least over themselves, because everybody around them has things to deal with, too. But not everybody is complaining. So suck it up and deal with it. Silently and privately, please. I don't really mean that. I'm just feeling very bitter right now, and my stomach hurts from stress even though my "stress day of the quarter" (I really have only one or two every quarter) is over. But seriously, some people act like they're the only busy ones and like they're the only ones with things to deal with, but that's not the case. They just keep displacing blame from themselves to whatever tasks they have, but it isn't like other people don't have similar--if not the same or more difficult--tasks. Why can't they just man up and admit that they forget plans or they simply don't want to make plans? Why can't the...